They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
