people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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