hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
