ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
