we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
