The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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