I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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