it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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