she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
