I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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