puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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