your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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