Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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