We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
