Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
