is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
