i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize