you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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