I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
