he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
