when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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