He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
