after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Farmville is her only friend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
