...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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