Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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