my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
