Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Text me some of your sweat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
