My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
