My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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