we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
