So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i drank out of a bidet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
