So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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