Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
