I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
