9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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