So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
