Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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