How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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