we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
