What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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