"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
