We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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