I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
