You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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