He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
