I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
