How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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