Michael Bay diarrhea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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