my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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