My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
