Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
