You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
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I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
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I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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