you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
