I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
