his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
