Cold hands, warm shart.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
