We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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