dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
