Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
