Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
