My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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