Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
