We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
