I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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