I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
