Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize