My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
