A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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