think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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